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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Syphilis Totalus, Coitus Interruptus, Cuelist Duelist, and LARPING.
1. |
Intro
01:12
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come on and take my hand
while the moon is still blood-red
i'll show you life eternal in the form of acid tabs
i'll teach you alchemy and anything you please
cause i'm so lost without you
so don't you ever leave
cause magic is all i know
besides sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll
and if i had the cheat codes
i'd give them all to you
cause i've got so many plans
we can take turns collecting heads
we can flee the town and burn it down
the rest can be history, yeah
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2. |
Black Magic
02:41
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i'm not lonely i just want somebody's charm
i got a milkshake with two straws and your name's on one
it'd be nice if i could finally meet someone
who shares my interest in black magic that i don't scare off
call me Merlin cause i've grown my beard so long
and i've got no one to impress so you can fuck off
i'll imagine i can finally meet someone
who shares my interest in black magic that i don't scare off
yeah we'll be dancin' and necromancin' till the dawn
after we cast a spell on the sun to never come up
---
after we cast a spell on the sun
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3. |
I'm a Wizard
01:10
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i'm not just an alchemist
i'm a wizard
big or small i'll do it all
turn you into a farm animal
lightning from my eyes should come as no surprise
i chugged a truth potion so i can't tell a lie
i'm a wizard
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4. |
Syphilis Totalus
03:57
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syphilis totalus are you speaking english
i'm not sure you want to know
what goes on behind the scenes and green screens of my own robe
syphilis totalus are you speaking english
oh my god it's all my fault
i drank all the pumpkin juice and blamed it on the runes from my alt
now i've done something terrible
i fear my time here is fleeting as i'm growing old
the prophecy proclaimed that i require an heir to my throne
i even made you immortal in my mortal form
you were everything i couldn't be
everything i wanted and more
it's been so long since i've known love and my mind retired lust
i no longer crave the sex-crazed raves i once loved
with age i've lost all my senses and i've been known to lie
and drink whatever i can get my hands on before i die
---
now i've done something terrible
but i won't apologize cause i don't see the point anymore
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5. |
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everyone get in a line it's swirly giving time
lunch money goes over here so we can go buy some beer
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6. |
Werewolfe Zen
01:09
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they took my cash but i kept my stash
who needs gold when you've got spell-book craft
yeah they drew wands but i kept my head
take the money and run no one winds up dead
i thought tonight might be the end
but i kept my cool i had werewolfe zen
i thought tonight might be my last
but i breathed in deep and said "this shall pass"
tonight was not the end
yeah i kept my cool i had werewolfe zen
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7. |
Whomping Willow Headache
02:04
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blacked out, raised hell at a party on my ex's realm
went nuts cause you don't want me around
blacked out, raised hell, went on a rampage on my ex's realm
passed out, you screamed and told me get out
i've got a whomping willow headache (a whomping willow brain)
and i'll keep beating myself up till i think straight
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8. |
Witch Is Right
01:18
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all my friends think i'm no fun
they all play in the sun
holding hands beneath our robes
i'll tell you my cheat codes alright
witch is right
she's all right, right?
robes come off it's time for bed
lay right down rest your head
heart spells cast will never last
tell your mom to call comcast alright
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9. |
Rage Quit
01:15
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ever since i was young i played to be the best (just rage quit)
always comparing my k/d to all the rest
and now by some great means these 14y/o kids
all became streaming gods i wanna kill myself
rage quit
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10. |
Power Creep
01:38
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7th edition, we were happy to have a 6/6 for 6 mana
we were doin' just fine
7th edition, we had to scrimp and save every single life (20-sided die)
power creep
7th edition, we had to get our rare cards from booster packs
now they buy em online
eldrazi drones, planeswalkers who knows
indestructible gods, i can't overcome these odds
power creep
won't take my money
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11. |
Rage Quit (Reprise)
01:53
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i didn't make the cut, i'm still sitting on the bleachers
the party's in a game while i'm left sweeping scraps of paper
forever waiting on lobbies to repopulate my neighbor please
save me from these doldrums before i address my anger and freak out
it's not just a game to me now
out the window with these consoles all i bought will be sitting
in a pile on my front lawn with a "free" sign cause i'm quitting
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12. |
Leaderbored
02:42
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i can't get out of bed
i've leveled all my skills and now
i'm lazy bored and lonely with my millions, free from curses
i could quest for your hand but what's the point when you're with him
so i'll look to the book
not the one 'bout god but the one that gets me drunk
and i'll find the biggest cauldron, one that i can swim in
that's where i'll brew my potions
i'll drink these potions like they're medicine to try and snuff this slump i'm in
maybe hit the wizard gym one night
i'll buy a magic mirror so that i can see myself in different light
feel my life is going right, it's not
i put in the time and for what
to climb to the top of the leaderboard and fuckin' jump
well it happened again
i thought i could impress you so i'm drawing up the blueprints for my minions who build buildings to erect a statue of you naked
and a castle in my pants
but you don't even look
you're too good for me cause you think you're in love
so i'll find the biggest cauldron the one that i can swim in
that's where i'll brew my potions
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13. |
Not Yer Main
03:07
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i put all my eggs in one basket
i crafted my skills and still got my ass kicked
i know that we were more than a team
she was the only one who believed in me
but pvp's such a chore so she's not my main anymore
i'd happily say that i loved her
i'd log online and she took me over, dragged me under
her FPS could never suffice
my love is lagging so i'll roll the dice
and if i roll a zero or more
then she's not my main anymore
the countless hours spent together would seem so hopelessly for nothing
every time i'd log on server i could not forget her
she told me the news from out in the wild
she had emotes and he made her smile
and it still feels everything is a dream
on my knees i had begged her to stay
cried till my eyelids were sore cause she's not my main anymore
she left me down on the floor she said
"i'm not your main anymore"
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14. |
Fireball
02:52
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if i'm being honest, life is kind of hard without you around
and i've been drinking cauldrons
waking up every morning on the floor next to my couch
i need a better escape than a homemade elixir that barely even
takes away the pain
if i'm being honest, i've been feeling pretty down ever since you left
and i got my options but let's be real you're the best i was ever gonna get
if i'm being honest, i don't feel bad about the fire spells i cast
all over your office, your home, your car, your garden, and your mom and your dad
i found a better escape in the form of a fireball that
helped me displace my pain
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Flabbercasters Baltimore, Maryland
Wizard pop. Lvl 40 jams.
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